Avatar (2009)
By: James Cameron (director, writer)
Starring: Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana, Sigourney Weaver, Stephen Lang, Joel Moore, Giovanni Ribisi, Michelle Rodriguez
A paraplegic marine dispatched to the moon Pandora on a unique mission becomes torn between following his orders and protecting the world he feels is his home.
I am fully prepared to admit that I had a bias going into the viewing of this film. I’ve been dubious about it since I first saw it was using Papyrus font in its promotional material, of all fucking things. I’m sure that makes me an aesthetic elitist, but I honestly don’t give a shit, because this is one of the worst films ever made and watching it practically had me in tears, it was so painfully bad.
Take a hefty measure of self-indulgent white appropriation, add it to completely illogical creature and world design, top with a script so contrived it rivals the horrid shit made for the SyFy network, and you’ve got Avatar in a nutshell. It’s actually worse than SyFy originals, though, because you go into this under the auspices of it being legitimate art rather than a silly, low budget made-for-TV piece you can enjoy in mocking.
Every, single character is a shallow caricature, a banal archetype. Every, single line feels like it was lifted from a B-movie. I’ve seen no-budget slasher flicks more clever than this. The acting is unconvincing and wooden, even coming from the seasoned pros. The primary plot devices revolve around the idea of the natives essentially mind-raping the wildlife. And all of this is before you get into the fucked up premise of white savior to predictably mystical indigenous peoples. Not even amazing effects can save this clusterfuck.
There’s no love lost between me and the AMPAS, but I still absolutely cannot believe this shit is nominated for Best Picture.
Did I mention it was painful? PAINFUL.
Fuck you, James Cameron. With something hard and sandpapery. I hope your ex-wife wipes the floor with you at the Oscars.
I disagree that this isn’t a well made movie. It’s not a very well told story, no doubt, but all the technical stuff is there. It’s just completely fucking soulless, that’s the problem.
you go into this under the auspices of it being legitimate art
That was your first mistake!
I don’t know if I even agree with that much, really. I mean, at what point does a horrible script, pacing, acting, etc. negate being “well made” in the technical sense? To me, being well made incorporates all of the various aspects of the film, and the only thing I thought was done well was the special effects, and even then, not the application of them.
Well that’s why I differentiate between being well made and being well told; you can absolutely have all that technical stuff while still failing spectacularly in the parts that actually matter when all is said and done and you take off your 3D glasses. For me, it’s not the bad stuff negating the good stuff so much as the good stuff making up for the truly bad stuff. I guess I’m seeing this one with a glass half full perspective (how rare for me).
Ultimately, for me there were a lot of truly shitty movies this year (and evidently I saw most of them!) and when making my list of the worst films of 2009, this definitely wouldn’t be on it. There is a ton of stuff lacking (in the same way that there was a ton of stuff lacking with Titanic, let’s be honest) but I actually think the zero star rating here is a little hyperbolic. I mean, you clearly didn’t see Year One. That is truly a zero star movie.
(As a point of interest, my twelve worst movies of 2009, from “best” to worst, are apparently as follows based on my website’s categorization of such things: Nine, The Warrior and the Wolf, Extract, Humpday, Land of the Lost, One Week, The Twilight Saga: New Moon, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Knowing, Taken, The Unborn, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Year One. These were some truly, truly awful movies. OMG. These are the ones I consider my seeing as a public service.)
And that’s thirteen, not twelve. Counting fail.
Oh no, I LOATHED it. Sitting through it was painful. In fact, I can’t recall a film I’ve hated more in the last ten years. It’s not hyperbolic, it’s just my immediate reaction and personal opinion.
It’s funny you mention Twilight, because I was just talking to Megan earlier about how it was more bearable than Avatar. XD
You forgot the part where the disabled character with his pitiful, meaningless life was saved when his useless crippled legs were magically replaced, and he never had to deal with life in that awful fucking wheelchair again.
One day, I too hope to find a furry, genetically engineered body to inhabit. I guess I’ll just have to learn to live with the misery until then.
I can’t believe I forgot to mention that in my intense, frothing rage. AUGH, god. Everything about this film makes me so angry.
It’s seriously like offensive bingo: racism, sexism, ableism, heteronormativity…
And people wonder why I refuse to pay to see this?
Which is to say: when there’s that much crap, I can’t just ‘ignore it’ and try to ‘enjoy myself’. One of those things, maybe. But combined? Hell no.
That’s exactly it, really, and had it been less fail in that aspect, all the other reasons it’s shitty might have been forgivable. I probably should have waited to write my review for a few hours if only to better articulate exactly what you just said. Oh, well.
Apparently there are only a few levels you can go down for threaded comments (oh, WordPress, how LJ totally beats you in this regard): the one thing Twilight has going for it is that it’s so bad it’s funny. You can’t laugh at Avatar in the same way that you can laugh at Twilight, unfortunately.
Still, there’s lots that can top Avatar in the loathesome category, I’m convinced.
Oy, that’s my bad. I probably have it set at five.
Still, there’s lots that can top Avatar in the loathesome category, I’m convinced.
Well, that may be true, but I’m sticking by my rating. I don’t think something being more bad makes Avatar not bad. Obviously there are a LOT of people out there who disagree with me, but this film was sort of a perfect storm of things I hate. The technical aspects to do with the special effects were impressive, but I couldn’t get past the way they were applied. The creature design didn’t make any sense to me, and then there’s stuff like floating mountains with forever waterfalls that apparently just magically generate more water. The Na’vi and, well, a lot of the aspects of their world felt borrowed or second hand to me. They put me in mind of other creatures who had been done better elsewhere. I was looking for something redeeming and I’m still struggling to find it.
Oh no, of course, other films sucking doesn’t change the suckitude of Avatar. “Worst film in the last ten years!” just sort of sets people up to say “Really?” even if they agree with you on all points of how it fails.
It couldn’t even sell me on a battle sequence between FLYING DRAGON LIZARDS AND FUTURISTIC HELICOPTERS. There was absolutely nothing compelling about any aspect of this movie, unless it was supposed to compel me to vomit in my mouth every few minutes.