Filmikaze!

By: Scott Stewart (director, writer), Peter Schink (writer)

Starring: Paul Bettany, Lucas Black, Tyrese Gibson, Adrianne Palicki, Charles S. Dutton, Kevin Durand, Jon Tenney, Willa Holland, Kate Walsh, Dennis Quaid

An out-of-the-way diner becomes the unlikely battleground for the survival of the human race. When God loses faith in humankind, he sends his legion of angels to bring on the Apocalypse. Humanity’s only hope lies in a group of strangers trapped in a desert diner with the Archangel Michael (Bettany).

I don’t care what faith you may or may not be, archangels are just cool, and you don’t have to know much about the mythology to agree. Upper-echelon bad asses sent by God to kick Satan’s butt? Sign me up for that holy action flick. Done right, archangels are a plot element that have the power to be phenomenally awesome, and Legion centers on them. Ah, cursed missed opportunities.

What a waste this film is. In short, it is a half-assed version of Terminator with angels. There’s some genuinely good cinematography to be had and Paul Bettany does his level best to pull some depth into the story as its lead, but the premise is confusing at best and flat-out annoying at worst, a haphazard collection of cliches lifted from better movies. More than anything, it feels like a film about religious mythology made by someone who has no interest in religion, a completely unconvincing mess from what could have been amazing in the proper hands.

Also, Dennis Quaid needs to just stop acting right now, for the love of God.